Why now, all of suddenly an urge to use a substance that I’ve never taken has hit. Why did you wait so late to attack? What is it you offer, is it a crack pipe, is it heroin, what is it! I don’t fight but you are a special case, I understand you don’t come around on my darkest hour but when I smiled for the first time in a long time, it was when I’m soon to take my first breath, who are you! They pick up drugs because of pica, a craving for the worst privilege. You looking at me as if I am your queen that doesn’t speak to the audience. Who are you! You standing behind my curtain, what part don’t you see, pity you shall never offer! I’m offended by your face, you don’t know my name, I’m momma Africa. Please I bite. Perhaps it’s anxiety, I stand on my tippy toes and dance because I’m tense but I’m still alive. Excuse me for coming through I’m in the Rose Red Garden today because it makes all the wines. Hm, shall I try I new flavor, I’m an ole spice in need of poison created from the holy garden. Excuse me! Now here I am home once again to make a famous dish, oh ole spice how I love thee, music please! Oh, I love the dance of all styles, they call me the ballerina, the hood of the group. Silence took me for silence took me because it understood me the most. What was a ballerina doing in the trash? Oh! My love is that you have you come this far just for me, oh take me away from this madness! For the King told thy the tale of our story, hm my new love listen to all it says and know it might be true. My love once it’s through understand why I sit as high as I do. My love I sit as high as I do because I became the Jew. For I learned the battle life was not for me, so I took the little life that was offered to me and said it was enough. For I wish not to be rich nor famous but of love and gratitude of no financial struggle. For rich and famous lifestyle arrived at my door and I said yes to what I deserved for what was little became big for my favor isn’t cheap. Oh! I cook, I dance and I sing, around the fire, we go. I noticed I started losing the anxiety attacks and that swing turned into a bounce, call me the late-night Russian. Something has changed in me so much, when you asked me about my past I spoke briefly about it, I knew you wished for more of my history but my love please, I’m not at war sight anymore. I know you see the scars on my back but they no longer bleed. My love don’t be afraid to touch me, I’m all yours, look at the kids running our way, each with a different father, but you never judged me. My love my punishment has ended, I know sex is what you want for you touched my thigh and rubbed your lips across my neck, my love I’ve changed. Oh, how I enjoy your tender touch but I found a mirror and it showed me myself and it asked me did I love you? I said silly mirror of course I love you, the mirror said well prove that to me. My love the woman in me still sits but the love and affection you wish to indulge in isn’t available to you, for I save my body for the man of my dreams. Now you sitting in my kitchen wondering what’s on the menu, you smell all the seasoning from the ole spice garden, and you see all the wine and my secret stash, my little weed. You hear the pan sizzling but your spirit refuses to rest until you know the story of the scars. My love the children are fed allow me to place them in bed, once they are resting I will come to you and speak. When the babies had closed their eyes I said let’s have our dinner outside. We went outside and I said my love look up and tell me what you see, we both laid under the stars and said not a word, oh a full moon, still not a word was said. You broke the peace when you started that tender touch. Oh, those hot clouds touched my cheeks, I said not a word just looked at the stars. It was as if you knew my special place of romance, as you kissed me I wondered if you loved me because I said I wasn’t interested in being a fling, now I feel like you belonged in my past that slipped into my future, still, I said not a thing. You didn’t stop you wrapped your arms around my waist and I looked your way, looking at those eyes looking for the same sensation. I remembered my past and remembered this was how I lost myself a long time ago, being naive and loving the wrong man, wondering if he was my husband, wondering if I was denying my husband his flower. You didn’t stop you grabbed the back of my neck and the drips of madness filled my body does he not respect me, I said no. Maybe it’s my fault, I’ve never been able to say no, I always just agreed and went with the flow, but I changed. I broke the bond that was soon to be exchanged and said the food was getting cold. We ate our dinner and I danced not for I feared a further romantic affair that would leave me feeling emotionally attached to him, for men run away from happiness. You ate your meal and so did I oh how you bragged of the spices I used to make that meal. When all was done you picked me up and sat me on the table and kissed me like I was all you loved, I kissed you too. Oh have I accidentally fallen in love or was it just the good food talking. I’ve earned a husband, for I am his ballerina, his black doll baby, oh when you kissed me I let go and said you be in charge and let me obey myself. Oh your hands are not feminine I wouldn’t dare wish to play with you, have I fallen in love again. You didn’t stop you held me and I didn’t make you stop, I’ve never been loved before this was new. I knew you loved me, I saw it in your eyes, I snatched your heart and you loved it. For you are mine, I marked it. You picked me up and carried me back inside once we had gathered all of the dishes, we said nothing and cleaned the kitchen together. When all was finished, I went to the couch but you did not, you kissed me so softly and said good night and you left. I’m an ole spice, so I said good night and smiled, when you left I sat on my couch and turned on a movie my little one came out of her bed and came to the couch with me before too long and the second little one got out of the bed and came to the couch, maybe the tv was too loud but my babies came to the living room at 3 am and both smiled. I watched my tiny one do his dance and my oldest came and cuddled with me before long the three of us had fallen asleep on that couch, I woke up and there was so much peace in my house, I went to the kitchen to see what I would cook but when I looked out the window your car was still in the driveway, had you returned? I’m an ole spice so I left the young and dumb phase a while ago, my babies were still asleep for we had a movie night, so I knew they would be out for a while. I took my babies one by one and placed them in their beds and they were exhausted from the late night. I went outside to your car and you weren’t there, I panicked, had something happened to my new love? As I was headed back in there you were sitting outside looking at me in your car, I said nothing. You came to me and said I never left, I was just outside doing what you said, watching the stars and the moon and I watched the sunrise too. My mind is silent, I left hell a long time ago, so I didn’t jump to any conclusions. The stars speak he said, he looked at me and said they said for me not to touch but to look at you and your family, it said to look at how peaceful you all are and how beautiful you are and those scars are healed. He grabbed my hands and placed his face on the inside of them and called me an angel that walks. I asked him did he wanted to come inside he said no, just a spirit had come along and wanted him to know how precious it was to be inside of that home. He left, I know to never love again for my life had taught me, never to give my heart away again. Time passed by and not a word, I didn’t mind, I didn’t mind because I knew I wasn’t the average after I thought you were gone forever, I didn’t date I just was a single mother who danced in the night, oh I dance in the night outside because it’s my peace, the spirits and I dance together. One day there was a knock at the door and it was a spirit that wanted to know why I was I so angry with the Mexican.